Of Truths and Retrogrades

I sat down to write something about the end of Venus Retrograde. Hopefully something inspirational. What a six weeks it’s been. If I sit back and close my eyes and take myself back to March 4…my heart is flooded with so many mostly ecstatic emotions as I tune into just how much has shifted. I mean…there have literally been multiple sunsets with dolphins (or herons gazing out at dolphins), scenes straight out of dreams and visions manifesting in my waking life, channeled writings by the ocean, sunshine, rain storms, and an opening heart that for once doesn’t feel excruciatingly painful or unbearable (although still quite shockingly scared). There have been some plunges into the depths, as I expected with the Pisces bits, but generally speaking: blessings abound.

As all of this personal and interpersonally-focused content was bouncing around in my brain, as I engaged a flurry of cleaning to hopefully pave the way for a whole streak of writing, I was listening to a podcast. I learned that 45 is on track to spend as much in his first year of travel as Obama did in his full eight years (almost $100mil). My inspiration left.

And I mean…it’s par for the course these days, right? We’re lucky if there are only one or two bits of shocking/horrifying/totallydemoralizing information that we’re exposed to in a given day. It’s constant. It’s persistent. And it’s going to keep happening.

I’ll be honest. I did write something else. About my response to this new piece of info. About our culture’s absolutely life-killing total and utter focus on money as the source of all value, all truth and all meaning. It stemmed from the parts of me that stepped forward today to greet this news – the very sober, cold and detached parts that can see where this all is likely headed, and that are often seen as being “too negative.” For me, it’s just realism.

It felt good to get it out.

But then, again and as always, my Pisces bits stepped forward. The parts that are so inherently tapped into the radical ecstasy of it all – transcendent connection and total belief in the constant presence of absolutely jubilant love and joy. Remembrance of oneness. Of that totally unshakable core in me that knows for a fact that love is the only way through this. That cliches are cliches for a reason, and that the only love will cure all that ails us mantra is the one consistent truth I will always come back to. For me, it’s just realism.

But Pisces is tricky. Because in addition to being capable of the highest of  highs, it’s also the parts of us that experience total existential despair. So far beyond ‘crisis of meaning’ that it feels like nothing will ever be ok, that we will never again see any point in moving forward, and that everything is pointless.

I’m no stranger to massive grief processes. To the overwhelm caused by being so racked with sobs and the heartache of loss that I feel like my body is breaking. I am here on this earth to help others with their grief, and that has meant a deep and extended dive into my own. I know the landscapes of grief, and they are textured and rippling tidal waves, unpredictable and yet always churning.

My first encounter with total despair, however, didn’t happen until this past summer. The eclipse window in September totally did me in. I never knew what it was to have to sustain the loss of hope for a long period of time. To be stuck in a stagnant void with no tidal wave of transformation in sight. It was awful. And it was a really potent and powerful reality check.

How many times in your life have you been there? How many times since November have you felt that bleakness pressing down? How many times in the past few weeks? For those of you sensitive to these Piscean undercurrents, I imagine it hasn’t been the best. For those of you who have been working for world change, for social justice, or who just love the earth and its inhabitants, I imagine it hasn’t been the best. These have been some dismal reality checks.

In Pisces we met truth as it exists absolutely. We meet truth stripped away of all filters and mental constructs…but also stripped away of all hopes, dreams and wishes. A Piscean-type can be incredibly hopeful. They can also be quite delusional, getting lost in whimsy and fantasy and dream worlds. Pisces is associated not just with delusion, but with disillusionment. Our hopes and dreams come crashing down. Faith is lost. And what arises in that vacuum? Often despair. But also truth. Or at least a new truth.

Pisces is a mutable sign, which means it is shifting. We will not get stuck or lost in the despair. It will shift again. And so we have the opportunity to ask: What am I needing to let go of? What is being revealed here? What do I need to do to take care of myself as the revelation occurs? What is my truth in this moment and how do I have compassion for myself through it all, regardless of it all, unconditionally?

And there is one consistent truth that arises through the ocean of Pisces. The truth of connection. No drop of water is separate from the rest. It is all one. We are all one. That lack of differentiation is a blessing and a curse, for within each of our souls lies the absolute desire to separate, to experience, to be an independent flailing vessel of existence while at the same time we absolutely long to return. To the ocean, to source, to the womb, to that place where everything flows and pulses and throbs without thinking, without dissecting, without differentiation. Totally connected.

Holding that tension of those desires invites us to remember our connection, our oneness. To remind ourselves that we are inherently part of everything that is, and therefore to value and respect everything that is as we would respect — to love, unconditionally — our seemingly separate selves. We are reminded that value is easily placed onto objects but exists more deeply within the walls of our cells.

And hopefully we are reminded that because of this caring for each other and for ourselves, absolutely and without pause, is perhaps the most daring ideal we can strive for – and the most realistic.

So, if you take time to reflect on what’s gone on in the past six weeks or so, what arises? what do you notice? What DO you value? And who? And what steps can you take to ensure your life is one that’s woven with the threads of these values? Go gentle moving forward if need be, but do allow those new or strengthened truths to emerge.

To support my writing and get weekly support, visit www.patreon.com/aquarianspirals



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